


i just kinda wish you were gay

by tinyroboboy



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Concert, Fluff, Identity Issues, M/M, Music, Physical Abuse, Romance, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:27:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyroboboy/pseuds/tinyroboboy
Summary: don't forget to make sure the work skin is shown (show creators style button)
Relationships: Jon/Tord (Eddsworld)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	1. Bored

“Like I’d go to a concert with you, tomato boy,” Tom spat at the mere mention of the offer. 

Tord would have shot back with some sort of snarky remark, but he was honestly hurt. He had won expensive concert tickets and he didn’t want them to go to waste. He wanted to share them with his friends. “Look, Tom,” he said rubbing the back of his neck, “I know you like music and all is why I offered…” 

“Oh, why don’t you go ask your best friend, then?” Tom rolled his eyes. 

“I asked him first, you ass.” Tord was beginning to get annoyed with Tom’s bad attitude. “He has a big art show like you would pay any attention.” 

“Listen,” Tom snapped, “I pay plenty attention around here. Now quit bugging me about it. Besides… I hate pop music.” He was only half lying with the last part. Sure he loved ska music most of all, but he didn’t have resentment against other genres. 

Defeated, Tord turned to leave the room. He had half a mind to ask Matt to join him but he wasn’t sure if he could put up with him for that long. The concert was being held a good drive away from their house and a road trip with Matt seemed like more of a chore than it was worth. Tord hated to see the other ticket go to waste. He walked out the back door to get some fresh air and hopefully some mindful clarity. He sat down on a nasty, white lawn chair and stared at the overcast skies. He looked around their backyard and grimaced a bit. It wasn’t kept up as well as it could be and there was god knows what strewn about. 

“Hey, I told you to watch the grill!” a rough voice shouted from over the fence. 

“I’m sorry!” replied a slightly pathetic sounding voice. 

“Quit fighting!” a third voice chimed in. 

The first voice spoke again. “This is why we never do anything together!” 

Tord stood up to investigate, as he loved a good quarrel. Besides, he smelled food grilling. He peeked his head over the fence and saw their three neighbors bickering around a smoking grill. 

“Hey,” Tord interrupted somewhat politely, “What’s going on here?” 

The first voice belonged to Eduardo. Tord Didn’t have any personal beef with him, but he was Edd's mortal enemy. Tord, being Edd’s best friend, felt a certain obligation to hate him by extension. 

Eduardo placed his fists on his hips. “Nothing that concerns you!” he shouted. “Get lost, Commie.” 

Tord tried not to take offense to that remark. Sure he wore a lot of red and made more than average communist jokes but that didn’t mean he was a communist. Or, maybe he was. He wasn’t really sure himself. Tord shook off the insult and regained his composure. He was trying his best to be a little more kind lately and it was proving to be difficult. Especially because he was so used to popping off at the smallest upsetting thing. He looked down at the concert tickets that were still in his hand. He hated the thought he had next. “Hey…” he began awkwardly, “I came over to ask… would any of you like to go to an Atlas concert with me?” He wanted to punch his own gut as soon as the words came out of his mouth. 

There was a silent response at first before all three of the neighbors started to laugh at him. 

“Are you kidding?” Eduardo wheezed, “Why would I willingly hang out with you?” 

Mark was more amused with the band being suggested than the company. “Atlas?” he laughed, “You know that’s for tween girls, right?” 

“No it isn’t!” Tord defended, “You just haven’t listened to their music!” 

Jon joined in the conversation as well. “Haha… yeah! Atlas is, uh… stupid!” 

“Shut up, Jon!” Eduardo barked at the smaller man. 

Jon’s posture changed a little at the reprimand. 

Tord looked even more defeated than before. “Nevermind,” he tossed a hand in the air dismissing the neighbors. He walked away from the fence going back to the house. He hated to see the extra ticket go unused but he had no choice. He spent the rest of the evening in a bitter mood before falling asleep with no dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Atlas is a made-up musical group not associated with any real-life groups named Atlas.


	2. my strange addiction

The next morning, Tord awoke to a piece of paper taped to his window. He opened the window and pulled the note down to read it. It was a bit crunched and scrawled out on a scrap of notebook paper.  


Tord, I would love to go to the concert with you. I was too embarrassed to say so yesterday. Sorry. -Jon

Tord had never considered what Jon was like on his own. He always thought of him as an extension of Eduardo since they were always together. He shrugged and figured he had nothing to lose. If it turned out horrible he could always ditch him at the concert. He dug around in his desk drawer and looked for some sort of paper to write on. Obviously Jon wanted to be discreet in their communication and Tord respected that. He found a correction pen and scribbled his best handwriting onto a paper he found. He felt like a spy. It was kind of fun doing note correspondence even if it was with the dumb butterball from next door. He was about to go out of his window when he realized they had a front door. He was getting too carried away with the spy identity. He also realized he should wait until night to deliver the message. It was okay to go slow, the concert was the following week after all. 

That evening before he went to sleep, Tord snuck out and tucked the note in Jon’s window cill. He climbed through his own window just for the authenticity of it. He soon crashed on his bed and slept through the night. Unfortunately, that wasn’t something that happened very often for him.

Jon woke up at the same time every morning. Seven AM was when he’d been getting up since he was a child. He never bothered to change his habits despite Mark’s pestering for him to join him on his five AM jogs. He would always politely decline Mark’s offers and hold back his absolute terror. He was never one to exercise even as a child. Sure, he played football in primary and secondary school but, even then, he was terrible at it. Jon sat up in bed and stretched his arms and back out. He yawned and rubbed his eyes before looking out his window. He got excited when he saw a paper in the cill. He practically jumped out of bed and swung open his window. He snatched the paper and quickly read it.

Jon… I hope you are ready for long car ride. I can pick you up early morning if you are embarrassed. -Tord

Jon smiled as he read over the message. He was excited to go, though he wasn’t sure when the concert was. He scratched his head thinking for a moment before writing out a reply for that night.  


Tord, what day is the concert? I need to know more details if I’m going to go with you. -Jon

Tord got the message and replied the next night. He was cutting it close waiting a day for every reply. This was definitely not an efficient way of communicating.

Jon- concert is in two days. Bring snacks for trip and probably small blanket if you like sleeping. We can leave 5am. Ticket is free just help pay for petrol please. -Tord

Tord felt stupid for using the paper technique but he was too committed to the principle by this point to talk to Jon in person. Besides, they had time for one more reply so it all seemed to be working out. He looked around his room and stared at the many things that were hanging around. He wasn’t the tidiest man but he definitely wasn’t the messiest. Matt had him beat in that category by a long shot. 

“What do I bring with me?” he asked himself quietly. It was comforting to hear himself speak when he was alone. He started rifling through his belongings and made a mental checklist. 

“No… not this one… hmm… maybe? Nah…” He began mumbling his thoughts as he looked through the clutter. He couldn’t decide what he was going to wear or what he would even need for a concert like that. He hated to admit it, but Atlas did happen to have a fanbase made up of mostly tween girls as Mark had mentioned. He started to wonder if he should bring some sort of weapon just to defend himself from the hoards of hormonal twelve-year-olds. He shook off the idea. After all, he didn’t want to get kicked out of the concert. He eventually threw an arguably planned assortment of things into a beat up red backpack and called it a night.


	3. come out and play

The day to leave for the concert had finally arrived. Having no response from Jon, Tord assumed he was agreeable to the departure time. He got up at three in the morning to make sure everything was ready for the trip. He showered, got dressed, and packed up the car by five. He got a little nervous about Jon’s wellbeing when he saw Mark trotting out of the house in small running shorts. Tord watched with a raised eyebrow as his neighbor faded into the morning fog. 

“Alright…” he said aloud to himself. At least now Jon would be alone and able to leave the house freely without the judgment of his housemates. Tord added the finishing touches to his overpacked car complete with a six-pack of energy drinks and two new playlists. This trip was going to be awesome. He was satisfied with the level of prepping he’d done but he didn’t see Jon anywhere. 

“Huh. How curious…” Tord said. He decided to swing around the back of the neighbors’ house to have a peek in Jon’s window. Nothing malicious, he just wanted to know if Jon was still asleep. Tord pulled his hoodie cuff over his hand and wiped away the fog from the glass. He cupped his hands over the pane and peered inside. Sure enough, Jon was still snoozing away like a little angel in his cozy bed. The fact that he didn’t know he was adorable somehow made him even more so. Tord poked at the window with a single finger as a way of making a soft noise. After a few taps, it was obvious that Jon was a deep sleeper. Well, that was that. Tord was going to have to break in. They were cutting the time close now as it was approaching six o’clock. Tord wasn’t even sure how long it would take for them to get there for one thing. Standing in lines was a whole other animal. In addition, there were eating and bathroom breaks to factor into the equation. He liked to be early to things anyway so he had to justify it somehow. 

Tord tried tapping on the glass a little more aggressively before taking it to the extreme. When that technique proved useless, he ran his finger along the bottom of Jon’s window. Success. Conveniently, Jon hadn’t locked it the night before. Tord slid the pane upwards and snuck into the room. He looked around a bit taking notice of the state of it. It was quite tidy almost as if it wasn’t occupied at all. In contrast, Tord’s room definitely had a lived-in quality about it. 

“Hey,” Tord whispered while nudging what he assumed was Jon’s shoulder. He was so perfectly tucked beneath his blue comforter that he just looked like a content little burrito. “Hey, wake up.” he tried again. 

Jon didn’t respond at all. He was snoozing quite soundly. 

“Jon!” Tord changed to whisper-yell. “Jon, wake up!” He prodded him with more intention this time. 

Finally, Jon began to stir. “Wh… What’s going on?” he yawned. 

“It’s me, Tord,” he assured. “We have to leave!” 

Jon’s eyes shot open. “Oh, I forgot!” he said, matching Tord’s volume. He jumped out of bed and hurriedly grabbed his clothes. He sped off to the bathroom to get dressed, brush his teeth, and other things all while praying Eduardo was still asleep. It was a safe bet, but Jon always had a lingering fear of running into the absolute bear every morning. His heart nearly gave out when he heard the front door start to unlock. He gasped and ran back to his room as fast as he could while still being quiet. 

Tord tilted his head in confusion. He didn’t understand why Jon looked so scared. “You don’t have to rush so much,” he tried to calm him down. 

“Mark’s back--” Jon cut him off. He grabbed his blue zip-up and a small duffle bag before opening his window as far as he could. He tried his best stepping out of it and it became clear how unathletic he was. 

Tord grinned and his heart pounded with excitement. He missed his secondary school days when he would run away from authority and get that hit of adrenaline. Even though he was only running from his neighbor, this still brought him back to that same place. He ran up to the window and shoved poor Jon out of it. He fell on his knees getting his trousers dirty. “Oh, bother…” he mumbled while standing to his feet. 

Just as Jon was getting up, Tord practically soared over him. “Still got it!” he shouted before remembering they had to be quiet. He shoved his hands over his mouth which hid a grimace beneath. He looked at Jon and beckoned for him to follow as he ran off toward his car. 

Jon obeyed, grabbed his stuff, and ran after the other. 

The both of them jumped into the car and paused in silence. They were breathing heavy and their hearts beat like a horse at the Kentucky Derby. They slowly turned their heads toward one another and burst out laughing. They knew they were being ridiculous but they didn’t care. It was fun acting childish sometimes.


	4. bad guy

Tord started the car and pulled out of the driveway. The car wasn’t the smoothest of rides but it was still reliable. Tord hoped Jon wasn’t prone to motion sickness. 

Jon seemed like he was enjoying himself although he looked a little sleepy. 

“So…” Tord tried to start some conversation after the long silence. It wasn’t too awkward but it was enough to make Tord feel uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to hanging out with anyone other than his immediate friend group for long periods of time. “Do you like, uh… some music?” He asked, gesturing to the radio console. 

“Huh?” Jon seemed off in his own world, “Oh, yeah… sure.” 

Tord had installed an external bluetooth device that allowed him to connect his phone to his older car. He turned it on and started fiddling with his phone. 

“Woah, neat,” Jon perked up, “What is that?” 

“Oh… it’s a little, uh, thingy,” Tord seemed distracted. 

This made Jon a little uncomfortable. “Could you, um… maybe watch the road?” You could hear the worry in his voice. He tensed up and sat rigid in his well-worn chair. 

“I am, I am,” Tord assured him with dismissal. He really wasn’t. He finally got some quiet lo-fi music going in the background and shifted his focus back to driving. This seemed to put Jon at ease. While Tord was good at hiding it, he sort of suffered from tunnel vision. It was difficult for him to focus on two things at once. 

The long drive continued without so much as a little small talk. There was a little back and forth of questioning as well. They wanted to at least get to know each other a little before going to a big event. 

“So… I’ll ask you one now,” Tord stated. “Why is your room so clean?” 

Jon thought for a bit. “I didn’t think it was that clean,” he finally replied. 

“Are you kidding? You could do lab testing in there.” 

Jon shrugged. “I don’t know… I don’t have much to do so I guess I organize a lot. It is my job to clean the house after all.” 

“The whole house?” Tord seemed surprised. At his home, each member was required to do their share of the housework. 

“Well…” Jon looked embarrassed, “I don’t uh… have a job.” 

“Oh…” Tord’s voice softened. 

“It’s alright,” Jon assured, “My job is doing all the house stuff so the others can work more. I clean and cook… Do laundry and all that stuff. That’s why I don’t get out of the house much.” He chuckled nervously. He was self-conscious about how much he had just shared. People usually reacted strangely when they found out Jon was the equivalent of a 1950s housewife. 

There was a bit of silence as Tord tried to decide what to say. He glanced in the rearview mirror to get a glimpse of his face from the front. Thankfully, Jon didn’t notice as Tord’s ‘glance’ turned into a bit of a stare. Jon was definitely easy on the eyes. His round face with chubby cheeks made Tord want to squeal. It was an odd sensation. Up to this point, he had only ever messed around with other men on a very casual basis. He grew up watching hentai and other pornography. It sort of desensitized him to the female figure. The male body, however, was an intriguing mystery to him. Now, Tord had established his interest in other men years ago but he had trouble acting on it. He wasn’t very good at romance no matter who was on the receiving end. He was quite abrasive by nature and it usually came off as mean. 

“TORD, WATCH THE ROAD!” Jon yelped. 

Tord shook his head and swerved quickly back into his lane. His heart pounded and he gripped the steering wheel tightly. He was usually a decent driver. He didn’t know why he was so distracted this trip. He just got stuck in his head again while staring off into… Jon’s face? It didn’t make sense to him. Jon was just his arguably average-looking neighbor but something about him just made Tord so… intrigued. Maybe he fancied him, maybe he was just a weirdo with a clean room and a weird job. Tord wasn’t sure why but little by little he was beginning to care what Jon thought of him. 

They drove a bit more in relative silence. Jon had turned his head toward the window to help keep from getting sick on the journey. 

“Hey…” Jon suddenly turned to Tord with offense and confusion written on his face. 

“What?” 

“How did you get into my room?” Jon seemed a little bit angry, though he was more concerned with the logistics. 

Tord snorted. He found it funny how he just now thought to question that occurrence. “I climbed through your window, dummy,” he grinned. “You left it unlocked.” 

“That doesn’t give you the right to just go crawling through my window like a murderer!” Jon looked paler than usual. 

“Relax,” Tord said in a laid-back tone. “Here,” he reached behind the seat, “Have a Red Star.” He handed Jon a tall, yet skinny can with bold lettering and a weird metal lid. 

“Sorry, uh… I don’t usually drink this much caffeine,” Jon admitted. “Makes me too hyper.” 

“Good,” Tord chuckled, “You’ll need that energy for the concert. Come on, let’s both have one, eh?” He reached behind and got another. 

Jon was proving to be a nervous passenger as his body language changed every time Tord did anything but drive with two hands on the wheel and both eyes on the road. He popped the lid on his energy drink and started drinking as Tord did. He figured he had nothing to lose. Maybe Tord was right anyway… He certainly didn’t want to be a buzzkill at the concert. Jon was sipping the bubbly concoction in his usual manner. He was no match for Tord’s fizz-guzzling throat of steel. 

“Ahh,” Tord exhaled in satisfaction. “Hey, let me ask you a question,” he said, returning the lid to his can. 

“What’s that?” Jon said with hesitance. 

“You seem like a nice guy,” Tord began, “You have a girlfriend?” 

Jon filled his cheeks with air and let it out with a little popping noise. “N-No,” he stammered, “I’ve… never been good with ladies.” It was true, none of them ever really liked him and he couldn’t put his finger on why. 

“Oh, I see…” Tord had a little disappointment in his voice. “What are you more into boys, then?” 

Jon’s eyes went wide. “No!” He squeaked almost out of reflex. He cleared his throat. “I mean, n-no, I don’t swing that way.” 

Tord was confused by Jon’s reply. He seemed like he was hiding something, but, then again, he was a bit of a squirrelly little man. A little dense, too. 

Jon tried his best to deflect the conversation. He was never really comfortable talking about romance. He was so self-conscious of his romantic mishaps that it made the topic a tough one. “So, um, what about you? You’ve got a girlfriend?” He asked, shifting the focus on the driver. 

“Me?” Tord asked. “Nah… I fly solo these days…” He seemed to trail off as if he had some sort of longing in that area. It had been a long time since he’d had any kind of romantic connection with anybody. He felt it was a hopeless situation. 

“Oh, that’s a shame,” Jon said, avoiding Tord’s eyes. “I bet the ladies love you.” 

Tord pressed his lips together and gave a glance toward Jon. “N-No, actually, not really. Most people don’t like me in general.” His voice was quiet but serious. 

“That’s surprising,” Jon remarked before smiling softly. “Because I like you.”


	5. bellyache

The rest of the drive was more pleasant than the first part. It was rocky at the start but the two opened up a little and became more comfortable. 

Although Tord was more comfortable since Jon was becoming less of a stranger, he was also a little more tense. “Shit…” he thought as he caught himself looking in the rearview mirror once again. “I think I… no, no, stop it Tord, you idiot!” He perished the thought as soon as it arrived. The only reason he took Jon with him was so he wouldn’t be alone at the concert. The buddy system was important after all. 

Jon was also affected by the time they spent together. He smiled a lot more as he warmed up to Tord’s company. Much to Tord’s amusement, Jon had finished his energy drink and was completely hyper now. He was talking a lot, most of which made no sense but it made Tord laugh regardless. There was just something so pleasant about seeing Jon act genuinely happy for once. He was usually so oppressed by his friends any time Tord saw him. He replied to the rambling with a lot of nodding and saying some version of “Mmhmm” while he listened. 

The two of them were having such a nice time they were almost sad to pull into the venue parking lot. 

Tord parked, stretched his arms, and yawned. “Well, that’s all she wrote,” he stated while staring out the windshield. He was sick of driving. 

The two of them stepped out and overlooked the sea of people that formed one massive queue. They gave each other a side glance with the same look as the other. This was not what they had expected. 

“It looks like there are more people here than in all of London…” Jon remarked. 

Tord laughed. “The world is a lot bigger than London, Jon.” 

Jon’s cheeks went a little pink. “I know… I’ve just never really left the place.” 

Tord didn’t know what to say. He just sort of nodded in acknowledgment before locking up the car and heading toward the crowd. He hoped Jon was following him though he didn’t look back to check. He wasn’t used to keeping an eye on anyone else. He just sort of expected people to fall in line like soldiers. 

Despite this, the two of them made it safely to the masses. Jon was a surprisingly fast walker. They read the signs and waited in the area they figured they were supposed to be in. The signs were quite confusing. 

“You look a bit uncomfortable,” Jon stated. 

“Huh?” Tord was off in his own head again. “Oh, I just… I’m not one for crowds.” 

“Oh… I don’t mind them at all so I guess I don’t understand.” Jon was trying to be supportive although he was having trouble. “I see that it’s affecting you, though. I’m sorry.” 

Tord didn’t respond at first. Did Jon just… validate his feelings? His friends weren’t the type to do that. They usually laughed it off and told him not to worry about things like that. Tord gave a soft smile. “Thank you.” He felt a little better. He stood closer to Jon to put some distance between him and the rest of the crowd. 

The boys waited in the line for what seemed like ages. They looked at the signs again trying to read them from far away. It became apparent that Jon’s vision wasn’t as good as it could be, so the responsibility fell on Tord. 

“You’d think they would print the signs larger,” Jon said. He squinted and put a hand out over his forehead to shield his eyes from the light. 

“I’m pretty sure we're in the right queue, Jon.” Tord seemed irritated. He didn't like it when things were unplanned or left up to chance. He liked to know exactly what was happening when. 

Jon was more the opposite. He didn’t mind sporadic or impulsive activities. He liked to be flexible and go with the flow. Whether it was just how he was or if his environment made him out to be that way was unclear. 

They were nearing the front when a woman with an official-looking Atlas tour shirt approached them. She looked more like staff than a fan. “Are you a contest winner?” She asked them. 

Tord held up his lanyard with a pass attached to it. 

“Are you uh… let’s see here,” she said, peeling up a paper from her clipboard, “...Tord Arson?” 

Tord nodded. “That is me.” 

Jon just stepped back and let him conduct his business. He had no idea what was going on. He just went where he was told. 

“This is my plus one,” he said grabbing Jon’s arm. It caught him by surprise and he gasped a little. He stared wide-eyed at Tord’s firm grasp. It sent a sort of chill up his spine. 

The woman led them to a different section of the outdoor area. They were now in the company of a handful of other contest winners. 

“I found ‘em,” the woman pointed the boys out to some other staff. “They were in the general line.” 

For some reason, Tord felt even more uncomfortable in this group. He felt like the other winners were watching him and judging everything about him. 

A girl about eleven tugged on Jon’s sleeve. “Excuse me,” she said in her squeaky voice, “Did you win the contest, too?” she asked. 

Jon looked down at her and smiled. “No, that was him,” he explained, “I just came with him.” He gestured to Tord who was awkwardly distancing himself in the corner. “He’s my neighbor.” 

The girl looked at him and frowned. “He looks scary,” she remarked. “I just came with my dad.” 

A tired-looking man smiled painfully at Jon and gave a weak wave. 

Jon returned the gesture though he seemed a lot more enthused. He was still high on caffeine after all. 

Another girl came over to Jon. He was apparently a very approachable character. 

“Why are you here?” she asked in a very demanding voice. She looked a bit older than the first girl. She was maybe thirteen. 

Jon felt a little threatened by her. “Wh-What do you mean by that?” he asked while pulling his head back a little. 

“You’re a grown man,” she snapped. 

Jon swallowed. Kids this age were nasty. 

At this point, Tord saw that Jon was being harassed. He emerged from the shadow he was hiding in and tapped on the girl’s shoulder. “What’s it to you?” He said in a low, slightly menacing voice. 

“Don’t touch me!” She shouted. 

This alerted the staff who were standing nearby. “Is this man bothering you?” one of the staff asked. 

“Yes! He touched me!” The girl whined. 

“No, I didn’t!” Tord pleaded, “I just tapped her shoulder!” 

“It’s true,” Jon added quietly. He wasn’t good at asserting himself. 

Thankfully, the father of the first girl stepped in. “That girl was harassing the one in blue,” he said, “Sorry, I don’t know your name.” 

“I-It’s Jon.” 

“Sorry, Jon,” the father corrected himself. He seemed like a stand-up guy. “The other guy was just trying to help him out. He tapped on her shoulder. I saw the whole thing.” 

Both Tord and Jon looked at the other man with very thankful faces. 

The staff told the girl not to start any discourse or they’d have to ask her to leave. She crossed her arms and grumbled a faint “fine.” That was the end of that. 

All of the winners waited around until they could be let in. Apparently, the winners had some sort of special access or something like that. It made Tord a bit nervous. He hoped they wouldn’t get called out or anything as he was quite self-conscious of his love for the band as it was. He stood back in his shadowy corner and held his stomach. He didn’t know why he felt so nervous all of a sudden. 

Jon joined him in the shady spot. “Are you alright?” he asked. 

Tord nodded. “Just some butterflies.” 

Jon giggled. “Me, too.”


	6. ocean eyes

The time had come for the contest winners to enter the venue. The last few minutes seemed to drag on for hours like the countdown to New Year’s. Jon was still buzzing with caffeine as if the drug hadn’t deteriorated at all. The effect it had on Tord was long gone and he wished he’d gone back to the car for another. Part of him also wanted to see what would happen if Jon had another. He was a little twisted that way but he seldom acted on it. 

“Oh, I’m so excited,” Jon nudged Tord’s shoulder. 

Tord went a little pink. He was in his own world again not expecting Jon to touch him. “Oh, yeah, me too.” 

Jon smiled wide at him. He felt secure knowing his company wouldn’t criticize him for enjoying himself. 

Tord forced himself not to look at Jon directly. His smile was just so damn cute. The way it made his cheeks push up on his eyes made Tord almost weak. _“Oh, god, stop it, stop it,”_ he thought. He didn’t like where this was going at all. _“Stay focused, you’re here for the concert.”_ With the feelings successfully pushed aside, he was ready to enjoy the show. 

The staff yelled something out toward the crowd. It was hard to make out what exactly it was. Suddenly, the winners were all being corralled into a side entrance to the venue. Tord definitely wasn’t a fan of the livestock-like prodding. Jon, on the other hand, was used to being pushed around. He didn’t mind it. 

The doors swung open releasing a chilling blast of way too much air conditioning. The cold blast snapped Tord back to reality. This was really happening. Finally. Jon seemed enthusiastic although his eyes always looked bright and full of life. Surprisingly, the venue was empty aside from all the staff and stage workers. 

“I guess we’re special,” Jon giggled while holding up his pass in front of Tord. He looked very excited. He didn’t really get out much so this was a huge experience for him. 

Tord was beginning to soak in Jon’s positive attitude. “Yeah…” he gave a faint chuckle. _“Special…”_ he thought, _“You’re special.”_ He shook his head as soon as the thought came. He was really fighting it now. The thoughts seemed to come automatically now. He hated it. He absolutely hated it. He thought he was going crazy. 

“Are you alright?” Jon asked, seeing Tord look uncomfortable once again. 

“Yeah, I—“ Tord was interrupted by a staff member pushing them around again. They guided them to the front of the auditorium to what some might consider a mosh pit depending on the featured artist. Tord started getting excited knowing he’d be right there beneath one of his favorite bands playing live. 

Not soon after the winners had been led to their accommodations, the massive crowd of others flooded the arena. It was almost immediately so noisy it could split your ears in two. The high-pitched shrieks of the predominantly pubescent girls were overwhelming. The band hadn’t even appeared on stage yet and they were already acting way too rowdy. 

“Wow, I can barely hear!” Jon shouted over the crowd. 

“Me either!” Tord shouted back. He was grinning wide despite his discomfort. He made sure to stand close to Jon for fear of the masses consuming him. He was quite small after all and not too great at standing up for himself. Tord thought he should almost have a leash. 

After long, tiring hours of waiting, sitting through the opening act, and breathing in other peoples’ air, the band finally appeared on the stage. There they were in all their airbrushed beauty. It was Atlas. 

Tord didn’t think the screams of adoration could get any louder but he was wrong. He expected his ears to be bleeding on the other end of this. He looked over to observe Jon. He was smiling and biting his lip while leaning toward the stage. He looked as blissful as any of the other children surrounding them. Tord was happy to be there but on the outside, he looked more like the dads who got dragged along as chauffeurs. 

The house lights were dimmed, that stage was aglow. The familiar, favorite tunes rang out from the band at an unholy volume challenged only by the crowd. The fans jumped up and down to the fast-paced rhythm of the pop songs. The venue that was once frigid was now sweaty and smelled like Teen Spirit mixed with cheap perfume. Girls cried, dads were close to tears, and some people were just screaming. The lights were enough to kill an epileptic and the sounds could wake them from the dead. It was glorious and atrocious. It was horrible but amazing. It was an experience like no other. 

Jon, who was still cracked out on caffeine, had as much energy as the girls did. “I love this song!” He shouted in Tord’s ear. He was grinning, singing, and jumping along with the others. They both were. There were only strangers around and their judgment was merely temporary. 

Inside the massive room, it only got hotter and hotter. The boy’s hoodies were long gone by this point and Jon had tied his outer shirt around his hips. Both of them were sweating making their hair stick to their foreheads. If you looked around the giant room you would see many faces of cheap makeup melting away from sweat and happy tears. 

“Alright, we’re gonna slow it down a little,” a smooth, almost sultry voice said from the stage. No doubt this boy was a heartthrob. The band began to play a slower song that the crowd was all so familiar with. It was a love song about two unlikely hearts falling in love. Nothing new to the boy band scene, but this particular song had always struck a deeper chord in Tord’s emotions. 

Jon put his hand on his chest and used the opportunity to catch his breath. He was certainly getting a workout. 

Tord was catching his breath, too, although he felt a bit of a pang in his heart. It wasn’t from the exertion but more so from the melody surrounding him. Even though it was drowned out with off-key singing and general screaming, it still sounded as magical to him now as it did through his headphones. Tord was watching the stage as they sang. It was incredible for him to hear it performed live right there in front of his face. The band was so close it was like he could touch them. He probably would have, too if he wasn’t so stuck in his head. He was nearly in a trance listening and hanging onto every word. He felt tears start to form in his eyes though he never let them go. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. He turned his head slowly to look at his companion. To his surprise, Jon was looking back at him— their eyes met like they never had before. 

“Wow…” Tord breathed as he stared into Jon’s eyes. The brilliant blue seemed to sparkle more now than they ever had before. They reminded him of the northern sea waves crashing on the rocks. The way they glimmered like the water did when the sunlight hit just right made Tord feel nostalgic. He was sure he would drown in them if he ever got too close. He felt his face heat up not with the heat of the room but one that burned like warm coals glowing in his core. Jon was covered in sweat and was red in the face but to Tord, he looked absolutely perfect. He nearly fell to his knees as Jon pushed some of his sticky bangs off of his forehead. He wanted to kiss him so badly right then and there. He continued studying every detail of Jon’s face. His smile— how had he not noticed his faint dimples before? His eyebrows looked like he kept them up routinely and his eyelashes… looked so delicate against his innocent eyes. 

Now, through all this, Jon hadn’t looked away from Tord either. His sweet smile grew wider as he stared into Tord’s eyes. His cheeks were already red from the screaming that it was hard to tell how much he was blushed. Tord’s cool grey eyes seemed to pierce through Jon’s heart. It hurt a little but he didn’t mind it while he was in the moment. He had never felt anything like it. 

The song came to an end and the two of them awkwardly looked down at the floor. Jon was embarrassed, but Tord didn’t know what he was thinking. Jon surely wasn’t interested in him like that. At least, if he was, he wasn’t directing any signals to Tord. 

Tord swallowed his feelings with a hard gulp. It was becoming impossible to deny it any longer. He was falling for Jon and he was falling hard.


	7. when the party's over

The rest of the concert went nearly the same as the first half. The noisy, raucous setlist that followed the boy’s tender moment was enough to dampen the awkwardness between them. It wasn’t long before they were screaming out lyrics like a couple of children once again. Tord enjoyed how much Jon brought out a certain level of fun in him. It certainly wasn’t a side of him that was nurtured back home. 

The concert was over before anyone in the audience was ready. Even most of the dads were having fun by the time things got wrapped up. They enjoyed being there with their kids even if it did give them each a headache if not more. Although all good things must come to an end, it happened at the perfect moment. Jon was just this side of a sugar and caffeine crash and needed to lie down or, at least, have a seat. 

Some of the crowd had dispersed whereas others were crawling onto the stage hoping to get past the security 

“Hey, Tord…?” Jon panted. 

Tord was looking at the debris and aftermath left on the floor as he fanned himself with his hand. “Huh?” He responded though he didn’t turn his head to look. 

“I don’t feel so well…” Jon swallowed and rubbed his eyes. His face was still red even though they had had more than enough time to cool off. 

Tord straightened his back and turned his attention to the other. “Oh, are you alright?” He asked, being a little redundant. He was suddenly serious and in a sweet way, too. 

“Yeah, I just—“ 

Tord interrupted him by putting his arm around his shoulder to sort of guide him toward the exit. “Well, let’s get you back to the car, okay?” He wasn’t really asking, though. It was his polite way of telling him to get moving. 

They made it to the car easily as most of the other people were already in their cars waiting in line eager to get out and go home. Tord, on the other hand, didn’t really want to go home. He was enjoying his day with Jon way too much to let it end so quickly. He held Jon a little closer just before letting him go at the passenger side door. He was smitten and it was beginning to be fairly obvious. 

Jon smiled to be polite but he didn’t need Tord to guide him so closely. He appreciated the gesture, though. He sat down in the car and closed the door before letting out one huge sigh of relief. “Oh… my god,” he said in a very straightforward way. 

This seemed to alarm Tord who had already started rifling through his drink cans. 

“That was the greatest thing ever!” Jon grinned ear to ear. He was as excited as he had been at the peak of the concert. “I’ve never done anything like that, oh, it was incredible!” Jon continued letting his emotions spill out into words and other sounds. “It was like this and I just felt like you know… this!?” Jon was using hand gestures in place of words as he was at a loss for them. 

“Slow down,” Tord chuckled. 

Jon breathed deeply. “How can I!? Was I at a different concert than you because oh my god!” 

Tord smiled. He was soaking up Jon’s energy again. “I know, right?” He laughed. He started to talk about the concert and soon found himself communicating in much the same way Jon had been. 

They gushed over the concert and their experience for about a half-hour before Jon thought to question why they were still sitting in the parked car. 

“Oh, uh…” Tord tried to quickly think up an excuse for wanting to extend their outing. “I, uh… was waiting for the traffic to clear up.” It was a perfectly valid excuse as there was some truth to it. 

Jon shrugged. It made sense to him. “Well, I have to get home, you see… The others must have been trying to call me or something by now.” He reached into his bag that he had left in the car and pulled out his phone. He wasn’t really one to check his phone often and he preferred phone calls to texting. Much to his surprise, there were no missed messages. That meant either his friends thought he was a big enough boy to take care of himself or they just didn’t care. He hoped it was the prior but he knew better. Still, it was odd. Usually, they’d harass him because they needed something from him at some point throughout the day. Maybe he just got lucky for once. 

Tord was trying to discreetly watch Jon look at his phone. It wasn’t really hard to do much of anything without Jon noticing, anyway. Minimal effort was required. “So… any news?” Tord asked. 

“Huh? O-Oh, no, actually.” Jon seemed a bit down. “No news is good news, I guess, right?” He gave Tord a forced smile. 

“Yeah, something like that.” Tord already wanted to beat up his other neighbors. He didn’t even know what they did but his primary objective now was to protect Jon at all costs. He didn’t decide that consciously, of course, but nonetheless the objective was there. Tord opened another can of Red Star and started pouring it down his throat. 

Jon made a bit of an uneasy face. “I don’t know how you can drink so much of that stuff,” he admitted, “ I have a terrible headache now.” He rubbed his eyes and sunk into the car seat. To be fair, the headache was probably from the noise but Jon didn’t want to admit that any negative side effects could have come from such an amazing experience. 

“Just grew up on them, I guess.” Tord, being satisfied with his energy drink intake levels, started up the car and backed up a little before driving off. Every little bit he drove felt awful. It felt like one step closer to the end of the trip. He knew realistically they couldn’t stay out forever but he wished it were so. He tried his best to distract himself by asking Jon questions that he knew he’d ramble on about. He liked listening to Jon ramble on about nothing especially if he was happy about it. Some people found his voice irritating or dumb-sounding but Tord thought it was sweet. He liked his mellow tone and genuine interest in even the smallest things. 

Jon’s rambling became mumbling as the sunset leaked through the car windows. He was engaged with the topic but he could hardly keep his eyes open. He just kept wanting to talk to Tord about anything he could think of. Someone was finally listening to what he had to say. 

The drive back seemed longer than the one there as the two boys were exhausted and had too much excitement for a single day. Jon ended up falling asleep just before they got back to town. Tord had some time to think while he drove in near silence only disturbed by the sound of the road and Jon’s soft snoring. He looked like an angel. A pasty, chubby angel that was covered in now dried sweat and cuddling his hoodie. The shirt tied around his hips had long since untied itself and was now just scrunched beneath him. His hair was an absolute mess but still, Tord thought he looked perfect.


	8. bitches broken hearts

Jon woke up in his neighbor’s driveway and snuck back home like a zombie. He made sure to thank Tord for the amazing outing first and give him a hug goodbye. He liked hugs and was friendly that way. He meant it innocently, having no idea that Tord was developing feelings for him. 

Tord reciprocated the hug, trying not to make it awkward. He didn’t want to let on how he felt out of fear that Jon might get grossed out thus ruining their relationship. He watched as Jon walked back to his house, making sure he got there safely. It was late now and Tord was exhausted. He wanted to go right to sleep but he knew his housemates would ask about the trip. Sure enough, as soon as he stepped through the door he was bombarded with questions. 

“How was it?” Edd asked. 

“Yeah, did you meet the band?” Matt chimed in. 

“You have to have a VIP ticket for that, idiot.” Tom gave a friendly punch to Matt’s shoulder. 

“Ah…” Tord smiled painfully. “I’m really tired… can we talk in the morning?” He had a habit of asking questions when he was really just making a statement. Growing up, he developed some manipulative habits, and giving people the illusion of choice was one of them. He saluted his friends and went into the recesses of his bedroom where he immediately laid down in his bed. Aside from taking off his shoes, he laid in the same nasty clothes he had worn throughout the day. He didn’t care. He was going to fall asleep at that very moment even if he tried to stay awake. He may as well lie down. 

The morning came quickly and without dream for Tord. He didn’t wake up until eleven and felt like death was just around the corner. His friends bothered him with questions, most of which he answered truthfully. To his surprise, none of them asked about Jon. It dawned on him that they didn’t know they hung out together. They thought he went to the concert alone. Tord wasn’t sure what to do with this information. Should he keep it a secret? There wasn’t really a gain for doing so. On the other hand, there wasn’t a gain for telling them, either. He decided not to tell them about it and acted as he had indeed gone to the concert alone. This made his future answers to the questions less and less truthful as they went on. He was a good liar, though, so it wasn’t too hard for him to be convincing. 

About a week passed and neither Jon nor Tord had communicated with one another. They lived next door but it may as well have been different countries. Each had an unspoken obligation not to interact with the neighboring house by extension of their friends and this was no exception. Tord was nearly desperate to talk to Jon. He assumed Jon had just forgotten all about him, though, and that’s why he hadn’t tried to talk to him. It wasn’t a nice place to be, stuck inside Tord’s head. He was playing and replaying the events over in his head and trying to predict what Jon was thinking. As much as he tried not to obsess over it he couldn’t help it. It kept running through his mind when he was doing other things. He was beginning to be a little stressed over it all. Naturally, Tord’s best friend was curious as to what was occupying his mind. 

“You seem… different, Tord,” Edd stated at what seemed random. 

“Ah, what was that?” Tord responded. He was buying himself time to think of a lie. Edd was aware of his curiosity with other men but he also knew it was a bit of a sensitive topic for him. Tord was comfortable with his sexuality when it was between him and maybe some messing around but it still scared him. He wasn’t well versed and he hated the feeling of being vulnerable. 

“I asked why you seem so skittish lately. Are you alright?” Edd seemed concerned though he’d never been good at his delivery. Everything he said seemed to come out monotone or sarcastic even when he really meant it to be emotional. 

“Oh, I… haven’t been skittish lately…” Tord drew out his ‘e’ sounds as he pondered the statement. “Um… what does ‘skittish’ mean exactly?” It was no surprise Tord didn’t know what some English words meant especially if they were seldom used by native speakers. He grew up in Norway until late primary school where he initially met Edd. 

Edd sighed. He knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere with this conversation. “It means… weird and all jumpy. You don’t seem like yourself is what I meant.” 

“Oh…” Tord pondered. Was he acting different lately? He couldn’t think of any reason why he would be acting any differently than he usually did. Unless it was… no, that was such a trivial thing. He merely thought Jon was a bit on the cute side. That surely wasn’t enough to make him act any differently. He was lying to his friends almost as much as he was lying to himself. Tord just wanted it to be over.


	9. goodbye

As much as Tord wanted the torment to end, it hadn’t left his mind. The noise, the smell, the heat… it was all so fresh in his mind. It played on repeat for three more weeks until he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to do something. He had to tell someone. Yes, that could be a cure for it all. But who could he tell? The only person he would ever trust with something like this was Edd. Surely he’d be able to help somehow… right? 

Tord sat in his room as night fell. He had been stressing all day trying to figure out how to talk to Edd about all of this. Should he tell the whole story? The concert, the drive, the caffeine— no, that was too much. Then how could he explain how he got to know Jon in the first place? Admitting to fraternizing with the neighbors was bound to upset Edd. Tord’s mind was going in circles. He was mixing the truth with lies and starting to confuse himself. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. He lied down on his bed, still thinking, though he felt ill. He felt stupid for overcomplicating things. He wished he could just be upfront with his friends. His brain had worn itself out from thinking all day long that it finally went to sleep. With his body finally at rest, it started to do its nightly repairs. Without having any food from that day to go on, it wasn’t a very productive sleep. 

Tord awoke in the morning still feeling sick and quite groggy. His head hurt from being dehydrated among other things. He stretched and slipped his hoodie back on as he’d stripped it off during yesterday’s breakdown. He walked over to his window, as he thought some fresh air might do him some good. His heart skipped several beats when he saw what he thought was a note stuck in the sill. Never before had he thrown open his window as fast as he did that moment. He hurriedly grabbed the paper and opened it, accidentally tearing it some in his rush. 

Tord  
I am so sorry for running away from you. I got scared of my friends. I hope you understand.  
-Jon 

Tord’s heart sank. He was hoping for more than some two bit explanation. Sure he got scared, Tord expected that. But to wait a month and then get what was equivalent to a telegram? He was a little insulted. What did it even mean? ‘I hope you understand’ did that mean it was over? Was he not meant to send anything back? He was over analyzing the whole thing. He had forgotten how simple Jon was. He didn’t really think things through and he seldom had bad intentions. He wasn’t much of a leader and, by extension, wasn’t much of an instigator either. It was a wonder he’d sent Tord anything at all. 

Despite his hesitation and much overthinking, Tord decided to send a note back. After all, he couldn’t get the answers he wanted without asking, right? 

Jon,  
I am so happy to hear from you. What did your friends say? I hope you are okay. I trust I will hear back from you soon, yes?  
-Tord 

He wanted to write so much more in the note. He revised it many times with the earliest renditions chewing out Jon for making him wait a month to talk. He decided to keep it short and caring while hopefully gaining some information in the much anticipated reply. 

A few days passed. Tord became more angry and hurt as they went. Every time he felt like Jon was stringing him along, he had to remind himself that this was very much one sided. While relieving some of the stress, it brought on more pain. He wanted more than anything for Jon to feel the same way about him. At the same time he was adamant that the feelings would soon pass. It shouldn’t take longer than a month, right? He kept himself in denial in order to numb the pain of a potential broken heart. He’d rather stress over this one boy then accept the fact that he wasn’t interested in him. He felt it was a safer place to be. This wasn’t the first time he’d been devastated by contrasting sexualities. 

After four long days, another note appeared in Tord’s window. He felt a sense of relief although, contrary to this, his heart beat faster. He opened up the paper to a strange note. It looked like Jon’s handwriting but it didn’t sound like his words. 

Tord  
Don’t worry about me. Sorry. Goodbye.  
-Jon 

No. It couldn’t be true. Tord was absolutely crushed by such a simple word. Each letter pierced through his heart like seven knives. At that moment the pain was too powerful to tuck away any longer. The poor boy was mentally exhausted from thinking, dwelling, and rethinking. He looked down at the note and let a single tear drop splatter over the ink.


	10. everything i wanted

The next morning, Tord reviewed the last note he had gotten. His hands began to shake as anger started to grow over the pain. He read the note about five more times until he was fuming. He paced around his room, becoming angrier with every step. He was usually a very calculated man, but when he was angry he became impulsive. He wanted to go, in person, and give Jon a piece of his mind. He thought about it, giving himself time to mentally go through the situation that was about to occur. He stomped around his room searching for his shoes as he fought with the two sides of his mind. He eventually decided to go through with this plan of chewing Jon out in his own home. Granted, it wasn’t the best of plans, but Tord was very emotional and let his feelings get the best of him. He found his high tops and shoved his feet into them, not bothering to lace them up. He went through the hallway and made his way to the front room, announcing his entrance with his footsteps. 

“Wow, what’s eating you?” Tom spoke up. He was sat slouched on the sofa, picking lazily at his bass guitar. He sounded like he didn’t care, but he did. He was Tord’s friend after all, even though he hated to admit it. 

Tord didn’t grace him with a response. He only stormed out of the house slamming the door so hard it bounced back open. He didn’t;t look back. He was on a mission to confront the man who broke his heart. 

The grass between their houses took a beating beneath Tord’s feet. His face was red and his neck was hot beneath his hoodie. He went up to Jon’s window and knocked with intention. Jon, who was in the laundry room at the time, put down his basket to see what on earth was going on. He walked to the doorway of his room and went into a panic. He saw Tord’s face in the window and immediately took steps back. He didn’t want to be seen. 

Tord was quite impatient. He kept up his knocking, not caring if the other neighbours heard him. He was fairly certain they were at work anyway. “Jon!” He said, being muffled by the double-paned glass. “Jon! I saw you, come out and face me like a man!” 

Jon swallowed hard. He was frightened by Tord’s apparent aggression. “N-No,” he replied back, trying to sound as confident as possible. 

Tord only growled in response. He tried opening the window but it was of no use. “Jon!” he yelled yet again. “Jon!” he sighed and banged his fist on the window with little enthusiasm. “Jon…” his voice sank down with his head. He rested his elbows on the windowsill and held his head in his hands. A few hot tears poured out, shielded by the safety of his sleeves. 

Jon heard the trembling in Tord’s voice. He finally decided he had to face his neighbour. He pulled on the hood of his zip-up and took time making his way to the window. He tensed his shoulders and looked to the ground, hiding his face. He unlocked the window and slid it up just enough to speak. “I’m… uh…” He had no words. He was still scared, seeing Tord’s capacity for anger just moments ago. 

Tord leaned in towards the opening. “Jon…” He pulled out the crumpled note he had just received and shoved it through the gap. 

Jon didn’t have to take it to know what it was. He took it anyway, just to show Tord that he was paying attention. 

Tord sniffled a bit, making it seem like the overcast skies were making him cold. “What… What does this mean?” He asked. His voice was still soft. He had to be careful not to let his voice crack, revealing his sadness. 

Jon stayed silent, studying the note. 

“Won’t you just look at me?” Tord asked in despair. 

Jon slowly turned to look at him though just a little. 

Tord gasped. He wedged his fingers beneath the window and thrust it upward. “Jon!” He exclaimed this time with concern. He leaned through the window as far as he could. Jon tried to hide from him but Tord caught him and pulled down his hood. He put his hands around Jon’s cheeks and turned him toward the sunlight. What he saw horrified him. 

Jon’s once beautiful blue eye was now shrouded by muted tones of red and purple. His lip had swelled beneath a deep cut caused by brute force. He had been beaten. He looked at Tord with sadness in his eyes. He was ashamed to show him his face. “I… I didn’t want you to worry—“ 

“Worry?!” Tord cut him off. “What the fuck happened to you?!” 

Jon wiped his nose on his sleeve. “Nothing…” 

“‘Nothing’ my ass!” Tord “If nothing happened to you, how do you expect to explain—“ 

“I just!” Jon interrupted. “I just… my friends, they…” 

Tord listened intently. 

“They hate me now.” 

Tord looked at Jon and tried to keep his emotions at bay. He was infuriated with his other neighbours. He was sad for Jon. He was still confused by his romantic interest. It was a lot to handle. “Why… do they hate you, Jon?” He asked, still in his soft tone. He climbed all the way through the window as he heard the other speak. 

“Because…” Jon’s voice broke. “I told them… I liked you.” 

Tord felt his heart do a million things at once. It sank, beat and skipped a few, fluttered, and felt like it was going to explode. Somehow, he managed to keep his composure. His emotions merely surfaced as a hot glow in his cheeks. He drew in a breath to respond to the bomb that Jon had just placed in his lap. 

Before he could speak, Jon continued. “Then… Eddie beat me up and-and Mark didn’t stop him this time!” He began to cry. “Then I got so scared I wrote you this note to tell you goodbye.” He wiped a few tears on his shoulder before looking back up at Tord. He was trembling, shoving his hands deep into his hoodie pockets. 

Tord stepped close and put his arms around the entirety of the other, fully encapsulating him in comfort. It was purely an act to console a broken man. He had no romantic intentions at that moment. He was thinking of Jon as a person, a person in need of help. 

After a while, Jon took his hands from his pockets and put them around Tord’s middle, causing Tord to rest his cheek on the smaller one’s hair. 

“I… I’m sorry…” a weak, muffled voice came from Tord’s chest. 

Tord pulled away from the hug and grabbed Jon’s shoulders tenderly. “What do you mean, you are sorry?” He asked. 

“I just…” Jon seemed a little apprehensive. “I didn’t know I liked you… like that. When I finally realized it, I got so scared that I didn’t send you messages for weeks.” 

“Well, that explains that,” Tord remarked with mild sarcasm. 

“I just… I’d never liked b...oys before.” He stumbled over the statement. He seemed unsure of it himself. 

“That’s alright,” Tord assured, lifting Jon’s chin gently. 

Jon was distressed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought I liked ladies but thinking back on it now I never felt the way I feel about you— or maybe it’s just you? I don’t know!” 

Tord placed a finger to Jon’s lips, being careful not to hurt his wound. “Shh,” he whispered, “There is nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to know anything. What do you feel?” 

Jon blinked back more tears. “When I’m with you… I’m happier… and my tummy feels like it’s full of angry butterflies.” 

“Is that all?” 

“No…” Jon thought for a moment. “My voice in my head keeps telling me to… to kiss you.” 

The red returned to Tord’s cheeks. He cleared his throat a little. “Well, uh… do-do you want to? Just to see?” He was not doing a good job of keeping his cool. He couldn’t even believe this was happening. 

Jon waited before nodding his head in agreement. “Okay… just to see.” He took a deep breath through his nose and leaned toward the other. 

Tord cupped his hands around Jon’s face staying wary of his injuries. He leaned in, letting his eyes slowly close, and gently pressed his lips against Jon’s. He didn’t do much more than that. He didn’t want to scare him off. 

Jon, hands still trembling, felt his cheeks heat up rapidly. As soon as he felt a little more comfortable he leaned in just a bit more. 

Tord was relieved to feel this advance. He pulled away after the quite innocent kiss and met his eyes to Jon’s. “So… did you like it? Or…?” 

Jon only stared at him, looking perpetually like he was about to cry. Then, he did something even he was surprised by. He grabbed onto Tord’s sleeves and pulled him to his face. The two of them kissed rather passionately yet it seemed instantaneous. They split apart leaving Tord with wide eyes, and the both of them redder than they’d ever been. They breathed audibly before commenting on the events that had just taken place. 

“My… My arms just…” Jon stammered. “They, uh—“ 

“Yeah… me, too.” Tord gave Jon a stiff hug by which he immediately melted into. 

The two of them just stood there in the middle of Jon’s immaculate room, holding each other close. 

“What did you think during all this?” Jon asked through Tord’s hoodie. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean… You heard what I was thinking all this time. I want to know what you were doing over there.” Jon nudged him in the section of the window. 

“Oh…” Tord knew what he meant. He was embarrassed how much he stressed over his feelings for Jon. The nights lying awake, the days spent hiding away in his room running over scenarios in his head. No, he couldn’t tell him all of that. “I mean…” he tightened the hug. “I just… kinda wished you were gay.”


	11. my boy- EPILOGUE

**-ATTENTION-**

While this story canonically ends at the end of chapter 10, 'everything i wanted", I wanted to write a spicy ending as well.

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/25723192>

I didn't want to have to tag the entire work as mature just for this once scene so I opted to post it separately.


End file.
